Sometimes I feel that people have been too willing to give up on me.
As a child, one of my teachers told me I shouldn’t be in a dance performance when I wanted to participate. In graduate school, some of my teachers encouraged me to drop out. They thought that because I struggled in classes, I didn’t have what it took to get my Ph.D. I’ve also been fired from jobs, and people whose friendship really mattered to me have stopped returning my calls.
As painful as these rejections have been, I’ve always strived to learn from them. While my heart has been broken too many times, with much of that grief setting me back, there’s been an important part of me that is determined to learn from the experience, and resolve to do better in the future.
And I have. With my determination and the discovery of powerful techniques like the Emotion Code, Body Code and EFT, I’m reaching goals I couldn’t have even dreamt of in the past because they seemed far from possible.
Why have others been so willing to give up on me when I haven’t?
This question has plagued me for most of my life, until I saw Carol Dweck’s TED talk.
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset
Carol Dweck is a motivation researcher who says that people either have a fixed intelligence or a growth mindset. People with fixed intelligence believe that their character, intelligence and creative abilities cannot change – they think you either have it (intelligence/talent or personality) or you don’t. On the other hand, people with a growth mindset believe that challenges are opportunities for growth – and the effort made to improve oneself will pay off, if you remain determined to reach your goal.
Believing you can improve is so powerful. In fact, when Carol Dweck taught this belief to school children, their performance changed dramatically! Students who didn’t take school seriously became determined, disciplined, focused and developed a passion for learning!
Teaching the growth mindset was so powerful – it eliminated differences in groups that typically underperform in schools, and in just one year:
- Students from a kindergarten class in Harlem, scored in the 95th percentile on the National Achievement Test.
- Fourth graders in the South Bronx who were struggling in math scored highest in the New York State math test.
- Native American Students went from bottom of the school district to top in Seattle!
When I work with clients, one of the most important factors that determines success, is their belief that they can improve. It won’t happen if they don’t believe in themselves, invest in themselves or commit to any strategy for success. If you want to change, you MUST believe that you can!
Why you CAN change.
And, of course, you can change! In neuroscience, the idea of neuroplasticity has shown that the connections in our brains can be strengthened with experience.
Think of it this way – at some point you learned to walk and talk – you didn’t come out of the womb with those skills. And, there is a part of you that knows you are older and wiser than you were just a few years ago! Harness that knowledge, and apply it to anything you are working on, regardless of whether it’s a career or personal goal or even how you relate to others!
I recently took Dr. Dweck’s ‘Test Your Mindset‘ assessment and I got that I unequivocally have a growth mindset.
Struggling even with a growth mindset.
My growth mindset hasn’t always stayed strong. When others have given up on me, a part of me wondered if they are right and I’m really not worth the effort. When this happens I need to remind myself that progress occurs by taking many baby steps in the right direction, and people who succeed, fail over and over again. But even if I change my mindset, the idea of pushing forward sometimes feels like Sisyphus eternally pushing a boulder up the hill. At those times, I release the emotions, sabotage, negative thoughts and other barriers that permeate my subconscious and keep me stuck. Only then can I fully embrace the growth mindset with charge and gusto.
So, what does it mean to have a growth mindset?
It means that regardless of my goals for business, health, personally or in relationships, I’m going to keep trying to do better. I will probably fail again, but I’ll try to learn the lesson. And even though some people find my determination exhausting (sometimes I do too) I know it will pay off.
Why? Because I can see the changes. Bit by bit, I’m getting healthier, smarter and more productive. I’m enjoying more satisfying relationships, and life is more fulfilling! And the better person I am, the more I’ll be able to help others and do my part to make the world a better place. That is what makes my life meaningful.
Do you, or someone you know, struggle to keep pushing forward and maintaining a growth mindset? Has life beaten you or your friend down? Share this article and contact me here to schedule a complimentary consultation.
